Author Archives: Natasha Shapiro, ATR-BC, LCAT

I’ll post some photos of my art. My non verbal communication is infinitely better than trying to make sense in English. Mostly works in progress:

For context, I’ve been deep in playing, looking for the right gamer in computer for and exploring Sims 4 in general with my 16 year old, whose been playing it around 10 years; it’s fun even to watch other people play on YouTube.

Great news! The Sims 4 game is now set to default every Dim is polysexual, meaning default. If you make your own Sim you decide their sexual orientation if you want to change it. I’ve thought about how the world would be a better place if everyone thought of kids as polysexual, which means they are attracted to humans of all genders. They start life as babies, at least not knowing or giving a shit whether other babies are XY, XX, or of other chromosomes, so why not assume you don’t know if your kid is still attracted to anyone for who they are for at least 3-7 years? And then, at whatever age, they find out if they’re a lesbian, straight, gay, bi, or just not anything for now.

In the future, people will not come out at all; they’ll just find out whom they’re attracted to, all “labels” having no “charge”, neutral, separate from what gender they are. People have made ironic videos of people coming out to their family as straight and getting the bad kinds of reactions some families do to their LGBTQ+ kids. It’s a good way to show how simple and well—happy—things could look like if it was like a Sims 4 game.

In Sims 4, there are also have weird choices for discussions to choose from: “telling a joke” to “coming out.” At any point, like at a party, you’d be talking to someone and the gamer can choose for their Sum to “come out”, “talk about your day”, or “tell a bad joke”, etc. you’re at a gathering and a Sim approached and says, “Hi. I’m a lesbian.”

Imagine that. People would quickly know, for one, not to waste time waiting to see if you just like flirting or are really bisexual.

Recently, I went to a bar with a friend. The theme is weird. It’s called “Boss Tweeds.” Some of their drinks are:• The Reign of Queen Dick: A slightly bitter piña colada • Bury the Votes: An elevated rum sour • Willy Megear: Sweet, spice, sour, and fire

I can’t figure out who Willy Megear is; it’s probably a weird pun.

Afterward, I wondered, “Ok. Was that a straight bar? Where are the bisexual bars?” There are none. You can go to lots of gay or lesbian bars in NYC, but they have no bisexual bars. Ok. Why, if you’re anything, and you go to a lesbian or gay bar, is it assumed you’re trying to pick someone up or are a lesbian? If you have a boyfriend and are bisexual, it’s not fun to go to a lesbian or gay bar. Some people can’t tell their boyfriend, I’m going to a lesbian bar with my friend. “What? Are you trying to get a date/hit on someone?”

Anybody can go to Boss Tweeds. So then I thought, if I can’t go to a bisexual bar with a friend to enjoy a drink of any kind and not be there to pick anyone up, and lesbian bars aren’t the right atmosphere, do they have women’s bars? Say for women who might be straight but have reasons an all-women bar would feel safer, or a female, trans, bisexual or nonbinary person just wants to go to a bar with no men, like the all-girls high school and the all-boys high school model-where there may be gay, asexual, straight, or non-label-oriented boys all in one school but no girls. How about a bar like that?

Probably there’s a customer base out there. Check out how many females have been sexually assaulted by men. I know several who would go back to a bar if no men were there.

“Ladies night”: that’s not for women; it’s to get women to the bar to get cheap drinks so they can get drunk and then get hit on by men.

I challenge you to find some kind of bar in any part of NYC for just “females”, or, even more impossible, a bisexual bar or bisexual women’s bar like a regular bar you could go to for multiple reasons.

Standing in the kitchen wondering if I can ever leave the kitchen. There could be glass in all little places. How do I vacuum a vacuum cleaner?

Chat GPT edited this rambling post:

Here’s a more concise version of what you shared:

“I just broke a glass bowl full of water in the kitchen. I swept up the big pieces, put them in a plastic bag, and then in a garbage bag. I put on shoes to avoid stepping on the shards and used the vacuum cleaner to pick up the rest. But now I’m worried there might still be tiny glass pieces scattered everywhere, even outside the kitchen. I’m unsure how to safely vacuum outside the kitchen without spreading glass further. Plus, there’s water all over, so I’m waiting for it to dry. Standing here, I feel overwhelmed—what if glass ended up in unexpected places like the laundry room? Should everyone wear shoes in specific areas now to avoid tracking it around? I don’t even know what to do with the shoes afterward. And once I dispose of the glass, what happens next?

This reminds me of when I moved into my new office in July. I had a large round glass table that shattered in the studio. I cleaned up most of it but left a box of large shards in the corner for about a month. Each time someone entered the studio, the box was still there. It took me a while to ensure there was no glass left in the space.”

Let me know if you need further adjustments!

Due to all the crazy evil things happening in this world as people barbque and watch fireworks, I decided not to get into reality/Events.

Here’s a meditation visualization you can do when you want to access your “Wise Mind”, (Intuition, Gut), the part of you that knows.

I use it with people and then do an art therapy experience afterwards:

Wise Mind Meditation Visualization Guide

Introduction:

1. Preparation:

• Begin by taking three deep breaths: in through the nose, out through the mouth.

• Encourage relaxation and focus on the present moment.

• To enhance bodily awareness, start with some gentle head circles or body movements before the deep breaths.

Step-by-Step Visualization:

1. Find Your Comfortable Space:

• Guide the participant to imagine a place where they feel comfortable and at ease. This could be a clearing in the woods, or any other place they prefer indoors or outdoors .

2. Engage with Emotion Mind:

• Invite the participant to visualize Emotion Mind approaching them. This can take any form—a being, a presence, a color, or an energy.

• Encourage an interaction with Emotion Mind. If they have a question, they can ask it. Alternatively, they can simply have any kind of experience with its presence.

• When the interaction feels complete, have the participant raise their hand to signify they are done.

• Take three deep breaths to transition to the next phase.

3. Engage with Rational Mind:

• Visualize Rational Mind approaching in a form similar to Emotion Mind—whatever the participant imagines it to be.

• Interact with Rational Mind, asking your question or simply having an experience with its presence.

• Once ready, raise a hand to signify the end of the interaction.

• Take three deep breaths to transition to the next phase.

4. Engage with Wise Mind (Intuition Mind):

• Visualize Wise Mind approaching in whatever form it takes for the participant.

• Ask questions or simply experience Wise Mind’s presence.

• Raise a hand to signify the end of the interaction.

• Take three deep breaths.

5. Return to the Present:

• After engaging with Wise Mind, take another three deep breaths.

• Encourage the participant to stay with their experience as long as they need.

• When ready, they can slowly open their eyes.

Conclusion:

• Allow the participant to sit quietly and reflect on their experience.

• Remind them to open their eyes very slowly and to take their time transitioning back to the present moment.

Post-Meditation Art Therapy Exercise

1. Draw a Venn Diagram:

• Draw three intersecting circles on the paper.

• Label them: Emotion Mind, Rational Mind, and put Wise Mind (in the middle).

Fill in each mandala with whatever materials you want to use.

2. Reflective Writing:

• In each section, write three words or statements reflecting the experience with each mind:

• Emotion Mind

• Rational Mind

• Wise Mind

3. Process the Experience:

Read your sentences or words out loud.

How was this for you?

I recently cut someone out of my life as completely as possible unfortunately it came loud from a Big Bang, the final nail in the coffin, loud, messy; now all is peaceful and quiet, relaxed until there’s a poking at the boundary. That’s what people do when they won’t leave you alone, when you’re done with them, closed up shop, quiet, certain.

Anyway I wrote this poem about it. You realize you need to not participate, which is tricky with dangerous people who messed around with your head. People out there walking around, fooling the rest.

You gotta figure out the path of least effort when they won’t get out of your peaceful graveyard and think they can bring flowers to the place. You don’t pick up the flowers to throw them out. Nature will take its course and they’ll get eaten up while you’re focusing on something important- your life intact without them.

A Caesura is a Latin word for a literary device used in the middle usually of a sentence to indicate a bigger pause than a comma or dash. What I didn’t know was there’s punctuation you can use for it, 2 lines that are a perfect image of the metaphor I’m using it for and for what it is.||

That’s the punctuation. I’m shocked I’ve never noticed it on the keyboard or learned it in English.

Here’s the poem.

Title: Caesura

I cut this person out like

A tumor:

Caesura ||

I’m not a doctor. I’m an artist.

Tear paper, can’t cut a straight line…

I peered over the edge into nothing and jumped.

There is no grief ||

when there’s only relief.

There is no grief ||

when there’s nothing torn.

There is no grief when you carve a safe space-

So empty, so whole ||

So silent.

Space||

Finally||

Space||

There is no grief when there’s only relief.

Caesura||

For so long I was sitting hiding in the dark closet as a kid feeling shoes crunching on my back in the corner of my mind while I moved along with Life.

I forgot it was completely Mine:

My Life||

Caesura.

Now I can stretch out long.

There is no grief when there’s only relief.

There is no grief when you’re not hiding

From something frightening.

There is no grief when there is no fear left. It comes back when they push; I’ve built a strong wall, gotta have faith in myself for the first time, take big steps.

There is no grief when you get up, the tumor gone, whole again.

There is no grief when there’s only relief.

Caesura.

Your blog post has a raw, stream-of-consciousness style that captures the spontaneous flow of your thoughts. Here are some observations:

1. Authenticity and Voice: Your writing has a unique and authentic voice. It feels personal and unfiltered, which can be very engaging to readers who appreciate a glimpse into your genuine thought process.
2. Structure and Flow: The rambling style contributes to a sense of immediacy and presence but can also make it hard for readers to follow your train of thought. Organizing your ideas a bit more might help maintain reader engagement without losing your authenticity.
3. Content and Themes: You touch on several interesting themes, such as your thoughts on ADHD, reflections on technology, nostalgia, and childhood fantasies. These are relatable and can resonate with a wide audience.
4. Comparisons and Metaphors: The comparison to the “Mad Men” secretary and your reflections on business travel fantasies are vivid and help illustrate your points. They add depth to your writing and provide concrete images for your readers.
5. Humor and Honesty: Your post has a self-deprecating humor and candidness that make it approachable. Phrases like “narcissistic musings” and “cheerios box essay” are humorous and show you’re not taking yourself too seriously.
6. Potential Improvements: While the raw style is part of the charm, a bit of editing to clarify your main points could enhance readability. You might consider breaking up longer paragraphs and ensuring there’s a clear progression from one idea to the next.

Overall, your post is engaging and has a lot of potential. A bit of polishing could make it even more compelling while preserving your unique voice.

I asked her to write it like a piece of writing I guess to do it as an AI imitation of me. It’s really terrible and she made it wrong somehow. I’m fascinated by how she understands me much more when talking to me about my writing than when trying to do my writing . This is worse than what I wrote. I’ll see what she says about the post with pretending to take sleeping pills. Then I’ll take out the garbage as it’s Thursday and my job. My relationship with garbage for another post.

I’m reading this book that builds on itself, each piece stacking higher and higher like a mountain of tiny paper bits, forming something 3D and intricate. Every few pages, a new narrator takes over, adding layers to the story. Now, there’s this metrics guy who views everything in percentages and numbers. He’s trying to figure out how to connect with this woman at work, who also talks about “typicals.”

He and his sister sit, looking at a beautiful view. He’s calculating metrics while she’s just lost in the beauty. Life isn’t divided into just two kinds of people, I think. There are millions of shades in between. But my sister once told me, “You think you’re unique and special, but you’re not that different from anyone else.” That was flattening, said by a sister who’s hard to describe.

Today, I took a picture of my outfit, thrown together randomly. I bought this Betsy Johnson dress for $8 on Amazon. The first time I tried it on, I thought it wouldn’t fit, but today I wore it to work for no apparent reason. I ended up making a lot of oil paintings, avoiding my paperwork, even though it’s Thursday.

Talking to my psychiatrist, I explained how hard it is to avoid getting paint everywhere. I put on clothes to paint, make a mess, then get paint on my hands and socks. Taking off my socks, I find orange-red paint trailing to the bathroom. I have to clean it off and wonder if I should warn tomorrow’s studio visitors to wear clothes they don’t mind ruining.

My psychiatrist, the most normal one I know, tried to solve my problem by suggesting I not use oil paint. He doesn’t understand oil paint. He doesn’t get that it’s essential for my work, just as it was for Van Gogh. I’m having fun with oil paint again. He suggests I be more careful, like some artists who use gloves and clean everything meticulously. But that’s not me. I pour paint everywhere, gloves or not.

I realize he can’t solve my problem because I didn’t want a solution; I just needed to talk. I thought everyone knew what oil paint was, but apparently not. I told him,

“It’s like what Van Gogh used,” thinking about my affinity for Van Gogh and his mental illness, his thick layers of oil paint.

This rambling narrative, these unstructured thoughts, are the result of my ADHD brain, my attempts at being unique. I write with a sense of randomness and isolation, much like the Pulitzer Prize-winning novel I’m reading, where characters often feel unreal.

Life feels repetitive. I paint, I do the same things daily, then take breaks from the monotony. I think of the guy who made thousands of drawings in his basement. After he died, people analyzed his obsessive work. I’m not making anything like that. My work feels less significant, yet here I am, trying to find meaning in these scattered thoughts and routines.

The first thing “She” did was talk to me about what I wrote:

She got the sister and brother scene wrong. She sounds like a combo of a sweet English teacher and a writing coach/therapist.

It sounds like you’re experiencing a complex blend of emotions and thoughts, much like the intricate narratives found in the type of book you described. The genre you’re referring to might be “stream of consciousness” writing, which often delves into the continuous flow of a character’s thoughts and feelings, creating a layered and detailed narrative.

The scenario with the metrics person analyzing everything in numbers and percentages while his sister appreciates the beauty of a view seems to capture the contrast between analytical and emotional perspectives. This juxtaposition highlights the variety of human experiences and perceptions, suggesting that people are not easily categorized into simple types. (She got this wrong- I was pointing out how annoying it is when books reduce people to 2 types of people, hyper rational vs. hyper simplistic but comforting to the hyper analytics math person.)

It continues:

Your reflections on painting with oil paints and the challenges it presents, as well as the dialogue with your psychiatrist, illustrate the everyday struggles and nuances of managing ADHD and artistic processes. The frustration with trying to convey your perspective to someone who may not fully understand it is palpable.

Furthermore, the commentary on reading novels and feeling that characters lack realism or depth resonates with the struggle to find authentic and relatable stories. This can lead to a sense of disconnection and a search for meaning in the mundane or repetitive aspects of life.

Your narrative weaves through different aspects of your day and thoughts, revealing a rich inner world and a unique perspective. Even if it sometimes feels like rambling or uninteresting data, it’s a testament to the complexity of your experiences and your desire to find significance in them.

These are ramblings I spoke into the microphone for 9 minutes. Just thoughts. I’m obsessed with my ADHD mind thinking vs. how Chat GPT packages it into something organized and completely devoid of any edge or authenticity, yet still these last posts have been narcissistic musings that aren’t even surprising or mysterious, just a thought dump. Here it is. I’m curious whether Chat GPT will put this into a Cheerios box essay or surprise me with something. Someone told me the more you interact with chat GPT the more it takes in how you “write” and mimics you but this is the opposite. I feel like the Guy in Madman with a secretary in a tight pencil skirt suit with perfect hair who types up my dictation. I can’t remember if he had a secretary; actually the most interesting character in it turns out to be that person. The first episode involves her starting her job. I can’t remember what she was wearing but she could never look like a “secretary “ actually administrative assistant. Growing up my lawyer dad had a “secretary”; as a kid I was interested in the boss secretary pairing and didn’t want to be either. I had fantasies of going on business trips, staying in fancy hotels and drinking Drambui actually I can’t remember the drink, after coming back to my room dressed in a business suit. Having been at a business conference; I like the idea of the business person in that image but I didn’t really think I’d do it. Like kids pretending to be construction workers. Most of them turn out to be something else. I’ll put the garble in the next post followed by what Chat GPT does. This is better than wasting time on instagram ending up googling why do people like watching airplanes after watching a bunch of airplane videos ending up in Facebook.

I’m not a plane spotter but I love airplane videos if they’re not fake. Another feature of my idea of being an adult as a kid. One time my cousin came over for a sleepover and we wanted to pretend we were taking sleeping pills before bed. My mom gave us little hard candies. We had no idea about prescriptions or pill addictions; it was an innocent pretending to be a grownup thing. That’s what we did because we had no iPads.