Postcard Art

I was going through a real drought way before my Dad died. I’m finally back in the drawing every day sometimes for a long time or not, but liking it. I’m trying to jump them into paintings but I’m not sure yet if I’ve figured it out.

I’m making still lives of a lot of stuff-I live still-lives and come back to them eventually. Maybe now I’m doing it because I have “object memory”. My adhd bad memory and constant realizations of big blackouts in my life has been depressing. But I got sealing wax and started using it with an N initial seal. It’s from my childhood. I loved writing letters and then using sealing wax on the envelopes. I don’t remember specifically using it on any specific occasion. I’m not sure how old I was either as I was afraid of lighting matches for a long time.

Object memory is better than no memory. I also remember weird kinds of places that are almost embarrassing. I’ve been to all kind of places in the world, lived in Tokyo in 4th and 5th grade. I remember the Art Store Pearl Psint in great detail and I remember how it changed towards the end as it shrank. I remember their old elevator and what was on each floor. I remember their old old fashioned art store near the Cheese Shop and where certain sketchpads were.

I remember several Betsey Johnson stores, from the east side 60s, the upper west side one and especially the SoHo one. I can find a piece of clothing and remember hunting it down or where I got it. Not very beautiful memories involving interactions with people. Of course I remember important events. Anyway whatever. I’ve written about memory on this blog forever.

So what does it have to do with still lives? Drawing objects is the thing I like drawing when I’m drawing something that resembles something others can recognize.That’s a shoe in a teapot.

The best drawing/painting I did this week was from deciding to organize my push pins. The silver ones from Pearl Paint are the best. Then I have 3 other kinds. When you’re a messy disorganized slob in life, you can spend too much time organizing things that you should be spending time cleaning the toilet. Then I put them in a box and drew a bunch of them with paint pens, several layers ending with:

Yes- my best drawing of the week. Most others are postcards.

The last ones are unfinished. I think I want to make a painting of push pins. I always called them thumb tacks. Is there a difference?

Once I start drawing, I like myself more, and lately I’ve had a hard time liking myself. Some really bad days, usually Tuesdays since Dad died. This week it was Monday. He died Wednesday evening, 7/2, so the Tuesdays don’t mean much; it’s just my hate on myself day. Then later it lifts. Whatever. As usual my drawings are more interesting than what I’m writing, even if they aren’t all hitting it, or “fire”, as they say now.

Do I can be addicted to my phone game, watch too many bad movies, go to a lot of stationary/pen/sticker shops with my 17 year old and draw. The next step is getting back into reading books. Reading fiction helps elevate my personhood and make me less sick of myself, and I haven’t read anything greedily since early in the year, The Telegraph Club.