1/27/22 Morning Pages 5:16pm

I’m back into knitting from using this poncho I made years ago that I was using as a layer when the boiler at work broke on the three coldest days last week:

So I decided to try making another smaller one and got going making pieces. I don’t know how to follow a pattern and make what is in the photo. People can’t accept when you explain your limitations. They don’t get that I can start origami and by step 3 Or 4 I know I can’t do it. oh it’s not hard you just follow the pattern. It just requires patience. No no no. It requires a different brain. My ADHD makes it impossible for me to do those sequential types of art. I can’t and never will. It’s like asking a blind person to open their eyes wider.

Anyway like I’m most art my skill comes from using my ADHD to just go with a process. I like knitting with two yarns at once and creating the effect of painting with yarn. I know I want a poncho shape so I’m using the poncho I made in like 2006 as the guide for the shape. I can see I’ve gotten worse at controlling the shape so this new poncho will look much less organized than the one where I somehow pieced together long triangles. It tells me my ADHD has gotten worse.

But I like the idea of a mini poncho so I’m going to make a quilt like one and see how it turns out. I’ll be working on the top to add more stitches as I go to make it get bigger as it goes done and somehow there’s a weird shape sticking out.

The other thing with using two weird yarns is nobody sees your mistakes purling half a row then knitting and mixing it all up. Those are all the stitches I know and please don’t ask me to learn any other stitches. I have a learning disability. Everywhere it says ADHD is not a learning disability but they’re wrong anyway, the experts too. If you teach me something I’ll do it wrong anyway. I still am not sure which way to cut an apple but probably could do it right because frustrated people have demonstrated it a million times.

What about putting things in different places all the time and misplacing them? That’s a learning problem.

And you pointing out that there would be a very different kind of affair showing up soon reminding me of the multiple meanings of the word.